Hi 好久不见。时隔两周，“好文赏析”栏目又回来啦，我们离申请季也又近了一些。大家都有在好好做准备吗？
今天小助手带来了Chad同学的文书，他的文书在Common App中可能属于最难的一种，但文章书写非常流畅，且极具感染力。Chad采访了他称为”天才“的艺术家Michael Feinstein，采访短片的拍摄过程是艰难甚至屈辱性的，但他收获了来自现实世界的教诲，这是难以从学校学到的。文书体现了Chad的个人优质品格，希望今天的这篇优秀文书能带给你启发～
- 申请者背景
名字：Chad
所在州：美国加利福尼亚州
高中：私立学校，100名毕业生
种族：亚裔
GPA：4.43/4.0
SAT：2360
ACT：N/A
参加过的SAT科目考试：数学2，生物，化学
课外活动：报社总编，棒球校队，荣誉管弦乐队演奏家，律师协会副主席，司法委员会，非盈利视频制作
所获奖项：入围美国大学华盛顿法学院全国高中模拟法庭比赛，全国优秀学生，AP学者，加州音乐教师协会荣誉证书，美国弦乐教师协会认证促进计划（小提琴）
专业：未定
- 文书内容
The man was a prodigy. He had performed for American presidents and even the Queen of England, every moment documented with autographed photos hanging in his guest bathroom. Even with a stature of 5 feet and change, his presence towered above me unforgivingly. His skeptical eye stared down at me as I struggled to balance my mom’s iPhone on its makeshift tripod. A month earlier, the Pasadena Symphony-Pops had commissioned me to create a video featuring its debuting conductor, Michael Feinstein.
Now, the five-time Grammy nominee hunkered down on his piano bench, impatiently waiting for my command. With no professional equipment and little preparation beforehand, I had thrown together whatever I could find. A day before, I had taken pliers to bend a coat-hanger into a holder for the purple-cased iPhone 4. I even used a block of Post-Its to prop up a second-hand GoPro for another camera angle. Fumbling about, I felt like a child looking desperately for direction, almost expecting an adult to hand me a checklist—complete with the right questions to ask, directions to give, and instructions to complete. But I was on my own now. My “wing-it” approach to the shoot quickly became obvious, and Feinstein’s skeptical reception grew into condescension as I stumbled painfully through the interview. The filming ended, and heavy doors swung shut behind the mansion as I was escorted out.
I had blown it. Academic rubrics and guidelines were straightforward—but here, being a straight-A student in the classroom held little value. For the first time, the Feinstein project had given me the opportunity to conduct my own show—but I had arrived without a baton. The MacGyver camera rigging wasn’t the flaw; in fact, I think I pulled off the creative contraption decently well considering my lack of better resources. The real failure was my complete lack of preparation and absence of confident leadership. Yes, it would’ve been easy to write off Feinstein as arrogant—he certainly didn’t serve me a generous helping of grace. He had envisioned a director with a camera crew—I was a 16-year-old amateur with my mom’s iPhone. But looking back, I realized that Feinstein had given me a valuable gift: expecting more from me than what I expected from myself. Did I want to just be the teenager with a camera phone? The interview with Feinstein was humiliating, but the experience forced me to decide if I wanted to be that director with his own camera crew.
I dove head-first into editing, determined to not let my inexperience stop me.
I took action. As part of the commission, I had already negotiated for the PSA to pay for professional editing software, Final Cut Pro X and Motion 5. I had a vision of what I wanted, but I also had no idea how to use these programs to get there—I was just an amateur with no film experience beyond the occasional school project with iMovie. I dove head-first into editing, determined to not let my inexperience stop me. The process was brutal—I spent countless hours reading online manuals to solve frequent problems. But every frustration fueled determination. Over the course of 80 working hours, the video progressed from a barebones slideshow of images to a multi-faceted film with customized titles and transition animations. The completed production, though far from a masterpiece, gave me a sense of accomplishment knowing that my initial failure propelled me to work beyond my expectations and fulfill my own vision.
I was ready. Stepping back one last time to watch the finished video with my Pasadena Symphony-Pops clients, I no longer felt like the lost boy in the Feinstein mansion. And amidst the excitement and congratulations around me, I wished Michael would have been there too—to thank him for helping me set aside the iPhone and coat hanger, take the baton, and conduct my own show.
Chad的文章记录了一次采访短片的拍摄以及其后期剪辑的过程。他的文字真实动人，他笔下这段经历带给读者的情感冲击力不输一部短小精悍的电影。从最初因准备不足手忙脚乱，到凭借自己的努力和汗水获得成长，小助手仿佛看到几年前初出茅庐的自己，随着文字的变化，为他捏把汗或是感到欣慰。相信在哈佛考官阅读时，一定也被Chad的文章激发很强的共情。
- The Crimson点评
Chad的文书是根据通用申请给出的提示中可能是最难的一个来写的。这篇文书详细描述了他遭遇失败的一段难忘经历，以及更重要的，他从这次经历中吸取的教训。根据提示去撰写文书是很难的，因为申请者需要谨慎地平衡两种需求，一种是申请者想给招生官留下深刻印象（或者至少不要吓跑他们）的需求，另一种是文书要讲一个引人入胜的故事并避免陈词滥调的需求。自始至终，文书都必须展示关于作者的一些有意义的内容。
Chad的文书所揭示的个性充分说明了他写这篇文书的方法。他对失败和尴尬的反应是反抗，而不是安静地屈从。从最初的处理方式到后来的不放弃，他在整个挑战中所持的态度也反映在他的写作细节上。高度组织化的结构，表现为陈述性的、简单的表达（“I had blown it,” “It took action,” “I was ready”），以及他依旧记得的很多具体细节（“5 feet and change,” “purple-cased iPhone 4”）。
话虽这么说，但这篇文书如果能让人更直接地了解Chad的个性，会更好。读者所理解的大多数内容都是从细节中东拼西凑得来的，这些细节可能无法充分说明这一事件对乍得的意义。
免责声明：除删去身份细节以外，文书均复制申请书原稿；原稿中的任何错误均得到保留，以保持文书的完整性。
- 斐然文书创始人Alvin老师评价
Chad的决心在这篇文书中体现得淋漓尽致，他与我们分享了他是如何在指导和拍摄一位厉害的指挥家失败后重整旗鼓，用出色的视频剪辑工作和后期努力扭转局势。这篇文章的厉害之处在于其描述和细节让读者想继续读下去。同时我们也能从Chad对他从跌倒中爬起来的描述中看到他真切的勇气和决心。注意文章如何以“这个人是个神话”这句话开始，对这位身材矮小却极为严苛的指挥家进行继续描述。这让读者立即与Chad产生共鸣。虽然描述很详细，Chad并没有使用过于华丽的语言来表达他的观点，而是使用了简短的句子。
虽然这是一篇很好的文章，但我总体来说不建议学生写关于失败的故事以及他们从失败中恢复的决心。通常，这些文章会有落入俗套的风险（虽然Chad通过精彩的描述和一个好故事避免了）。失败的故事有时无法让读者感受到写作者性情坚定之外的特质。事实上，虽然毅力对于在大学取得成功很重要，但绝大多数来自中国的学生都是有毅力和决心的，所以我们需要在文书中对学生其他方面的个性进行说明，最好是一些独特和特别的东西，才能真正让申请者脱颖而出。
- 总结
正如Alvin老师所说，Chad的文书十分优秀，具有参考价值，但并不适合照搬：普遍上来讲，不建议同学们写失败的故事和之后的补救办法。Chad的文书值得我们学习的方面包括：
1.高度组织化的结构，比如一些陈述性的、简单的表达，虽然没有华丽的辞藻，但十分直接，能带来强烈的情感；
2.注重具体细节，比如妈妈“紫色手机壳的iPhone 4”和“五英尺刚出头”矮小却强势的指挥，体现这篇文书是写作者亲身经历过的事情，真实可信；
3.体现独特的个人性格。来自中国的留学生往往吃苦耐劳，性格坚毅，所以我们推荐中国学生在文书中体现其他更为独特的方面。
▲有任何问题都可以找小助手哦～